swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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