I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
