She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
