You work out of a Hotel?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
