My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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