wakey wakey hands off snakey
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
