i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
