Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
