Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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