I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
