So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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