I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
