Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
