If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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