I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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