A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
