It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
