How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize