Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
