god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
