The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
