We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
