o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
