I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
