is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
