pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
