They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
