he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
