Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
