Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
