we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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