I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
