He is an equal opportunity slut.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
