fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
