thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
