i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
