The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize