Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
