I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
