Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
