and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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