i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
