my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
