Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
