I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
