im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
