i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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