I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
