Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
