you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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