hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
