took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Even my vagina gasped.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
