i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Still dying that you shit outside
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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