If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize