tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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