I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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