We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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