my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
