hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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