Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
