it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
