Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
