Do you still have your period?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
