I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
