whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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