You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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