which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
