whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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